“And maybe this is the Universe where I learn to not need you anymore.” - Heidi Priebe
There’s no getting around it—breaking up with your mother can be an incredibly difficult and emotional experience. You might question your decision, face judgment from people who don’t understand, and experience holidays like Mother’s Day in a whole new way.
But for many mother wound survivors, going no contact with Mom is a necessary step towards finally prioritizing themselves and their mental health.
I recently sat down with eight people in the Mother Wound Project community on Instagram who all made the courageous decision to go no contact with their moms. They shared their stories with me—and gave me permission to tell their stories—in hopes of helping others feel less alone and more prepared for the realities of this all-important decision.
Here’s what they learned after severing ties:
1. Do Things for Yourself—Without Guilt
“After I went no contact with my mom I went and had my long hair completely chopped off. I absolutely love my new look! When my mom was around, that was something I always only dreamed of doing because I didn’t want to have to hear her complain or pressure me to grow it out again. It might seem small to some, but for me this was a huge step in reclaiming myself and finally starting to heal from all the years of emotional abuse she put me through.”
—Mckayla, 26
Takeaway: After going no contact, it’s common to feel a mix of freedom and guilt. Small acts of self-expression can be powerful ways to reclaim your identity and heal the mother wound.
2. Find Your People
“It took me awhile to realize that my friends who had good relationships with their moms wouldn’t be able to really get what I was going through and that I needed to expand my circle to include other people who were estranged from their moms and could relate. I mean, it makes a ton of sense to me now. People who haven’t gone no contact with their mom just don’t understand the emotional roller coaster of what it’s like. They can’t because they haven’t lived it. I still love my old friends, but I’m so grateful for the new ones I’ve made in Breakthrough. We’re there for each other in ways others just can’t be. Being part of a supportive mother wound community is how I was finally able to get my mom out of my head.”
—Amanda, 34
Takeaway: Support from those who’ve walked a similar path can make a huge difference in feeling validated and less isolated. Consider joining an online mother wound membership community to level-up your recovery.
3. Some People Will Refuse to Understand
“It took me awhile to figure out how some people really don’t want to understand or empathize with me in terms of my mom and why I needed to go no-contact with her. “But she’s your mom!” and “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” were two things I heard all the time when I tried to explain I had to make this choice because my mom was abusive to me. Since my mom wasn’t in prison and she put a roof over my head, as far as these people were concerned I was in the wrong for leaving her. Eventually I came to realize that some people just don’t want to get it, and I don’t need to try to convince them.”
—Brandon, 21
Takeaway: Not everyone will be able—or willing—to understand your reasons for going no contact. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for making the choice that’s right for you.
4. Some People Might Walk Away
“I ended my relationship with my mom three years ago, and I really wish someone would have told me that other family members would try to punish me or manipulate me into changing my mind by saying they wouldn’t have me in their life if I wouldn’t have my mom in mine. It was so incredibly painful, and I couldn’t understand why they were being so mean. Did they not understand that my mom had done some really terrible things to me, and that I needed to end things with her not because I wanted to but because I had to for my mental health?”
—G.L., 42
Takeaway: Estrangement can sometimes reveal who is genuinely supportive of your healing and who is more invested in maintaining the harmful status quo. While it can be painful to lose other relationships, it also creates space for healthier connections built on mutual respect and understanding.
5. Expect a Roller coaster of Emotions
“I’d already been through a difficult divorce so I figured splitting ways with my mom would be something I would just breeze through more or less. I wasn’t expecting to feel the roller coaster of emotions I felt. One moment I’d feel happy to finally be free of her and all her gaslighting and the next I’d feel guilty for missing her birthday.”
—Maria, 37
Takeaway: Emotional highs and lows are completely normal after going no contact. Healing isn’t linear—there will be moments of relief, sadness, and even second-guessing. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship you hoped for, while staying committed to your healing.
6. Holidays Can Feel Less Stressful
“I cannot even begin to explain how much less stressful the holidays are now that I’m not trying to juggle what my mom wants with what my own family wants. It was like she truly believed her holidays always mattered more than everyone else’s. For example, my teens and I are not religious at all, but my mom thought she was entitled to have everyone go to church with her on Christmas Eve. She’d call me saying she needed us all to be there or it would ruin her entire Christmas. I don’t miss that at all!”
—Michelle, 42
Takeaway: While holidays can be emotionally complicated after going no contact, they can also feel more peaceful without the pressure of trying to please an impossible to please mother.
“I always used to dread Mother’s Day back when I was still in contact with my self-absorbed mother. There was all this pressure to get her an expensive gift she would like and to host a big get together for her. But no matter what I did, it never was enough, and she was always disappointed in me. After I went no contact, I figured Mother’s Day would be no big deal anymore since I wouldn’t be shopping for her or hosting a party. Wow, was I wrong! That first Mother’s Day was hard, too, just in a different way. I had a really hard time seeing all the adds leading up to it and then on the day itself I felt really, really sad. Thankfully I felt much better by the day after and the following four Mother’s Days have been peaceful and easy.”
—Tamika, 38
Takeaway: Mother’s Day can bring up mixed emotions—grief, relief, sadness, and even guilt. It’s okay to feel conflicted. Be gentle with yourself and consider making new traditions that feel empowering.
8. Parenting Might Feel Lighter
“I have several friends who are always talking about how their moms would rather go on vacation than be there for their grand kids. These friends are understandably frustrated that their moms only want to come around to take pictures with their kids to brag to their friends with instead of actually chipping in and being there as grandmothers. Now that my mom is out of my life, I don’t have that, and I love it! She wasn’t supportive as a grandmother when I was seeing her, and I’m happy to no longer be waiting around hoping for her to change. The contrived photo shoots with tired kids is one less thing for me to deal with.”
—Lauren, 28
Takeaway: Going no contact can bring a profound sense of relief for busy parents, especially when Grandma is more performative than actually supportive. Just think of all the time and energy you’ll have to foster healthier, more genuine connections for both you and your children!
Final Thoughts
Going no contact with Mom is rarely an easy decision. It’s complex, emotional, and often misunderstood by those who haven’t lived it.
If you’re someone who’s thinking about calling it quits with your mom check out this helpful article.
If you aren’t considering estrangement for yourself, but you want to learn how to be more supportive of the estranged adult children in your life this article is a must.
And last but not least, if you want to learn more about estrangement (and all things healing the mother wound), make sure you’re following us on:
